anxiety + me - I got it, I got it, I ain't got it
I can’t believe I’m going to start a blog post referencing Ronan bloody Keating of all people. But, I gotta tell you, the man was right… life is a roller-coaster.
After having about a week and a half of feeling like I was finally clickity-clacking my way slowly out of the thunk, these last two weeks have seen me reach the top and do that dangly-over-the-edge thing before starting the free-fall - I’m just looking for something in the middle people?!
I’ve got a spot of anxiety and if I told you how many years it’s taken me to work that out, you’d laugh right in my face and I’d let you, because… you know… anxiety :-)
I always assumed that everyone was like me and couldn’t walk through a shopping centre without turning into Jason Bourne - scoping out the exits, looking for danger and trying to work out how to fashion a weapon out of a coat hanger in M&S.
I always assumed everyone else found themselves breaking into a sweat while queuing in a coffee shop, hoping that the barista didn’t ask them a question that they couldn’t hear/answer/understand, to the point where sometimes they would just leave the queue and the shop entirely without a coffee.
I also assumed that everyone got claustrophobic on the underground, to the point that they could bring on a full-blown panic attack if they kept thinking about how they were in a tiny tube waaaay under ground with the rats in the dark, dark, darkity darkness.
Turns out, not everyone does that. Turns out… that’s anxietyyyyy baby *jazz hands*
Maybe I need to be taken to a Psycho-Neurotic Institute for the Very, Very Nervous*
But it’s not all doom and gloom, this weekend has at least brought some joy in the form of my scrap.
I think being creative, even in this weird little way, does help to lift my mood and also helps me to feel like I’m achieving something. Also, I get to be in control of tiny things and at the moment, I really need to feel like I’m in control of something, even if that something is the mess that I create in my craft room :-)
In the interests of trying not to let *stuff* get to me, I’m going to list a few things that make me happy.
My lovely husband. Even though he doesn’t really know what to do when I feel like this, he’s always there with a hug and a ‘can I get you anything, my sweet’
My amazing bonkers family and my beautiful friends who always make me laugh and keep me smiling, even when I’m being a total arsehat
My plastic-addict cat. She’s an aloof paper-straw fiend and she fills my house with her hair and antics, but I love her, particularly her rubs and slow-blinks
Scrapbooking. Even though it’s been 6 months, I’ve gotten so much joy out of this creative little outlet and the community that surrounds it. My mum introduced me and my sister to this crazy world and very grateful to her
Spring. There’s something about Spring that just makes me so happy. Maybe it’s the longer periods of daylight, maybe it’s all the beautiful flowers that pop up, maybe it’s the colours or maybe it’s all of the above, it’s just the best
So there we go, it’s not all bad and when I’m feeling like this I need to remind myself of the positives as it’s so easy to wrap a blanket around yourself and embrace the grump.
I hope you’ve all had a wonderful Easter and I’ll be back next week.
* If you’ve never seen High Anxiety, you won’t have a scooby-doo what I’m going on about, just be assured that it’s very, very funny :-)