gettin' festive - a christmas gift guide for picky peeps
Holly jolly hello one and all!
Well, even though its Saturday 17th November, I am exceptionally late to the Christmas party - apparently its Christmas Eve and no-one told me. What I mean by this little sarcastic comment is this… the John Lewis advert has aired, people have been sticking up Christmas trees and decorations left, right and centre, Christmas songs have been playing in shops and supermarkets and I’ve even received a Christmas card… I’ll say again… it’s 17th November.
Now don’t get me wrong… I’m no Grinch, I bloody love Christmas and all its assorted glass baubles, I just like to get excited about it… in December. This November madness makes me worry about peaking too soon - those festive belters busting out on the radio should make me smile with glee, not think ‘oh not this one again’, I should look forward to gingerbread flavours, pigs in blankets and stuffing coming out of my ears, these are the things that make Christmas so brilliant and Christmas will start for me when I open the first tiny door on my advent calendar… on 1st December. Nov Humbug.
Anyhoo, end of rant.
Bearing in mind what I’ve said above, there is one festive activity which I will allow in November (how very kind of me - haha) and that is working out what the heck to buy everyone come December.
I think we can all agree that Christmas needs to be spread over multiple pay-packets, therefore, I present to you, festive gift ideas for those people that are pesky to purchase for.
I’ve separated the gift guide into a few categories to make life easier, so lets start with stationery fiends…
You’ll find out from this post and future ones that I’m obsessed with David Shrigley. If you’re not aware of him or his work, I’d recommend clicking on his name to have a butchers at his website. One day I will earn enough to purchase one of his limited prints, but until that day, I will love his work *hard* from his books and exhibitions.
So yes, stationery fiends, I think we all know one and if you’re not sure you’re in the presence of one just have a ponder on this - do they revel at making pointless lists? Do they hang around outside WH Smiths at the end of September? Do they have an unnatural amount of A4 binders, pen pots and beautiful notebooks… all empty? If your answers to any these questions are yes… oh wow are you in the presence of a stationery fiend, therefore something in the list above will float their boat.
Now… onto… the booze hound…
Most people are fond of a little tipple every now and then, but these ^ gifts above are for the drinker in your life, the booze hound, the bevvy connoisseur… the one that’s always in the kitchen at parties. Hopefully one of the gifts above will make them fizz like a freshly opened bottle of prosecco.
From ‘always in the kitchen at parties’ to simply… always in the kitchen…
Side-note, I need that cat chopping board in my life.
Foodies are fun fellows, always looking for their next culinary fix as well as the right tools for the job. Most foodies shelves groan under the weight of 100s of cook books and their cupboards overflow with gadgets galore, I mean really, who doesn’t need three potato ricers and a banana tree? Hopefully there is something above that will get them all of a flutter.
…and now… to fruit loops…
I love a fruit loop. When I say fruit loop, I sort of mean, that like the cereal, they’re big ol’ bowl of bright, bold, sugary madness… the best kind of people.
A fruit loop loves a bit of kitsch, a splash of colour and ‘in your face’ prints. Fingers crossed that something from the list above keeps the fruit loop in your life grinning away like the mad loon they are.
Ladies and gentlemen… I give you… the beauty queen…
Never seen without a flawless face, this gorgeous creature will pluck, plump and pout their way across the land. Always aware of the next best thing in beauty, your queen will be hard to surprise with something they haven’t seen or have three of on their dressing table already. Here’s hoping that there is something on the list above that hasn’t graced their face and will make you look like the brains of the operation.
If I had to pick a favourite (which would be hard out of that list) I would say that the Diptyque velvet hand lotion is the most beautiful thing that will ever touch your hands (unless you’ve held hands with Idris Elba). It smells like a bakewell tart… and who doesn’t want to smell like a bakewell tart!?!
This next list is for the geeks… live long and prosper…
I’m just going to say it, it’s hard to shop for a geek. There is soooo much tat out there that you can easily end up falling into the trap of just buying any old crap because it has a TARDIS on it. While your geek may well love The Doctor… they might not love a ropy key ring in the shape of a Cyberman that’s all plastic bobbles and badly made. So please, think carefully, and do not offend your geek with rubbish, go official merch, go collaboration, go cool… don’t go tat.
And now… get ready to smash the patriarchy…
Feminists don’t wear pink… what a load of tosh. Feminists are all angry men-hating monsters… also, a load of nonsense. It’s very simple, if you know someone who wants all people to be treated the same and given the same opportunities regardless of gender… they’re a flippin’ feminist and they’re ace… and, side-note, they can wear any shade of pink they damn-well please. This also means that they have a plethora of fabulous gifts available and you, as ‘super gift buyer extraordinaire’ can get them something from the selection above and make their day.
So there we go… a few gift options for you and the ones you love.
If you’re still struggling and you’d like me to do another post for someone with a particular interest… add it in the comments below and I’ll see what I can do :-)
Until next time beans… take care.