if you just smile
They say bad things happen in threes… I really hope that’s true as I don’t think I can handle a fourth thing.
After boldly making a proclamation in January of this year that I didn’t want anything bad to happen and I wanted to get through 2019 without any troubles, April, May and June have laughed in the face of my decree and I’m now having to come to terms with losing yet another wonderful person in a short period of time.
First was my gorgeous nan in April, followed swiftly by my hilarious granddad in May and now by my lovely friend and colleague Roy, who sadly lost his long battle with cancer on Friday.
Roy was an absolute gem of a man, always smiling, always bouncing around the office from desk to desk, delegating work to whoever was silly enough to made eye-contact :-)
He was a champion of people, always trying to encourage you to reach your full potential, even when you didn’t think you were capable.
Roy would frequently try to make me do public speaking, which is my absolute worst nightmare, and I’d always have to decline or pass the buck to someone else. Regardless of me doing that every single time, he would still give me first refusal, not because he wasn’t listening to me, but because he knew that I could do it if I put my mind to it - he had an unwavering trust and belief in everyone and their potential.
It breaks my heart that he won’t be around to carry the torch of confidence to people that need it, but I’m hopeful that if everyone that knew him embodies even a little bit of that ‘Royston boost’ and passes it on when someone needs backing, then we’ll be able to carry on his positive attitude and he’ll never really be gone.
I’m crying less and less with each loss and I can’t tell if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe I’m storing it all up inside of me and it’s going to explode all over some poor unsuspecting person who offers up a random act of kindness by holding open a door for me or making me a cup of coffee?
The alternative is that I’m just getting more used to this sort of thing… which is equally possible when you consider that in the past year I’ve lost four people close to me - two family members and two friends. I look back with jealously at the me of 6 years ago who had never even attended a funeral, and had only lost a grandfather at the age of 8. I miss being so naive, it was wonderful.
I know that as we all get older the chances of people close to us passing away increases, but I still feel like I want to tell 2018 and 2019 to poke right off.
There are quite a few of us that joke that the company we work at is cursed as we do seem to be going through a terrible spate of truly wonderful people passing away. It gets dismissed a lot as we are quite a large company and with bigger numbers there is more chance you’ll be touched by loss, but man oh man does it feel personal some days. We’re all getting a bit too used to being called into a meeting and given bad news.
My fingers and toes are crossed that this is it now and we can all start to rebuild and move the heck on. I’ve been trying to do that since April, each month starts positively and ends negatively but I’m hoping that July will break the cycle - come on July!!
The sun has got his hat on today and I’m taking that as a good sign, everything looks better and more hopeful when the sun shines. I’m also in my little crafty room using pretty papers to make something positive out of something negative, gotta love that scrap therapy.
Thank you for reading and I’m sending everyone a great big virtual hug xx