try not to worry so much
I worry that I worry too much.
I can drive myself completely ‘round the twist worrying about the most ridiculous things. I’ll over-analyse a conversation with a friend and play it out in my head over and over again - was I too interested in what they were saying, not interested enough, did I come off too needy, distant, moody… it’s exhausting. The daftest part is that to the other person, well, they were just having a conversation… that’s it, no analysis required.
Anxiety plays a starring role in this emotional freak-show, and I know that it’s not healthy for me to get so worked up about such trivial things, but I can’t help myself.
Weirdly, the only thing I don’t get worked up about is criticism. If someone pokes holes in something I’m doing and tells me I’m not good enough, that just slides right off me. I wonder if that’s because they can’t say anything to me that I haven’t told myself on a loop about 100 times a day? Granted it doesn’t happen that much anymore, after years of spotting the negative people in my life and systematically removing them, I’ve been left with a beautiful bunch of supportive friends who only want me to succeed.
So, if that’s the case ^ then why do I *still* get all twisty inside? I’m not sure I have an answer for that, although I suspect there’s a light-smattering of self-loathing at play… but then we all have a little bit of that, I think.
When I started this year I wasn’t aware of Ali Edwards One Little Word. She suggests choosing one word in January to focus and reflect upon throughout the year. It can be any word and she has workshops to show you how to live with your word and use it in your daily life and in your crafting – such a clever idea.
Don’t worry, I’ve spotted that it’s August! However, as I’ve mentally jump-started my year again (the last 6 months need to be scrubbed out) I’ve decided that my One Little Word is “Try”.
Although this year, for the most part, has bit the big one, there have also been amazing opportunities for me to learn and grow – cheesy but true. I feel like “try” works so well for me as that’s exactly what I’ve been doing – trying to get through the tough times with my smile intact, trying to improve my crafting and learning new skills (even if I’m not that great at them), trying to put myself out there, even though I get palpitations and doubt myself… I still want to try.
I’ll leave it there before this post turns into a novel, but I do want to urge anyone that is struggling at the moment to “try” too. Try not to beat yourself up, try be kind to yourself and try to take each day as it comes – that’s all we can do :-)