what a wonderful world this would be
Sorry for the silence over the past few weeks, it’s been so hard to motivate myself and… well, I’ve just not really known what the heck to say!?
I’ve been very lucky to never have to deal with a death in the family, I know there are lots of people out there that have been forced to cope with so much pain and heartache and I can’t even begin to imagine what that must feel like. I only know that losing both of my grandparents so closely together has been pretty flippin’ tough for me and my family.
I’m a sensitive little soul and although I’m very good at putting on my positive pants, avoiding questions and making jokes, I’m also really hurting inside.
As I’ve said before, there is no one way to grieve, there’s no time-frame on mourning and no right or wrong way to act - we’re all just trying to muddle through life together, right!?
Typing this up is bringing its fair share of tears, but its also helping me to deal with my bubbly feelings. Creativity helps too, I need an outlet more than ever for my ‘stuff’ and I’ve been working on a few different things to keep my hands busy and my brain bobbing along.
When my family got together before the funerals, we were going through all of my grandparents photos and correspondence and found hundreds of cards, letters, postcards and keepsakes. It really brought home just how much my grandparents were thought of and how much they cared about everyone to have kept all the silly little notes for so long. There were so many cards from me, my sister and my brother, some of which I remembered drawing when I was 7 or 8, it was really touching and reminded me how much my grandparents thought of my little weird rabbits, hedgehogs and squirrels.
My creativity has always been encouraged by my parents - they’re are both amazingly creative people. My dad can build just about anything out of wood and my mum draws, paints and crafts amazingly intricate embellishments. When I think of my grandparents the apple really didn’t fall far from the tree as my nan could whip up cakes galore and fabulous meals (there was always a Sunday roast), while my granddad would build ships, create cabinets to house them and just about turned his hand to anything and made a masterpiece - with people like that in my life, how could I not pick up a pen, paintbrush or pair of scissors and create?
Although I’ve lost two wonderful people and won’t see them again, I have my fabulous memories and my gorgeous family to share them with. I’ll think of them always and particularly whenever I see butterfly cakes, hundreds and thousands and snapdragons or smell white spirit, creosote or the smell of a wooden shed filled with acrylic paint and oils.
I like to think that whenever I put my hand to something creative, a part of them will be there, cheering me on and giving me the confidence to put it all on paper.
As Sam Cooke so beautifully sang at their funeral “I do know that I love you, and I know that if you love me too, what a wonderful world this would be”